Alduaria, by François
I dinnt much need taste, yunnow?
Now eyes, the . . . the things for the hearing, the SMELL, ah-the-TOUCH!
THOSE I need, THOSE I CRAVE
Annnnats the stuff that makes me hyuman
But I ain’t trynta be hyuman, am I?
Heh
D’ai look hyuman t’you?
Eyes wuz first. Knife inneach one, hah! SLIP-SLOP!
Hearin next, yunnow. Hot coals. Burned. Buuuuuurned
SMELL, hah. Sewin’ needle. Right spot. Right second spot.
Touch . . . lookit back of me neck, areye?
Nun down there. Cold. Coooooold.
‘Snot perfect, swhat I’m sayin
But the taste, now . . . Aye,
The TASTE
I need’t now. I NEED’T NOW
Annit shows me . . . everythin’
Taste’s like love an’ joy an’ heat an’ hope
An’ lies. Soooo many lies.
So I’ll ask ye once, niceish now
What are ye doin’ in m’KITCHEN?
Session Recap
Upon learning that the newly opened Deckherd Hall was to feature Chef François, his rival Giancarlo asked the Nameless to intervene.
In order to discredit and humiliate François, the Nameless, led by Sandro and Flan, presided over a takeover of the restaurant by the wrestlers of V-Sea-W with the intent of staging a widespread incident of food poisoning. Sizzle helped Cruncho distract Bea, François’s sous chef, while Linmer confronted François. The discovery and subsequent destruction of François’s haunted meat grinder (not a euphemism) and an explosion of hagfish slime ultimately resulted in the deaths of François and Bea, with Bea’s ghost posessing François’ corpse.
Tonight’s Menu
Alduaria, by François, presents
The Menu for Its Own Demise
A dinner in nine courses
Premier
Hors D’Oeuvres
The revelation of François: cuisine is art. Art reflects and enhances the human experience. Seasoned with bitterness (the human experience extends beyond the scope of art). Paired with a conclusion: rather than expanding art to match the human experience, François will shrink the human experience to fit art, ergo cuisine, ergo HIS cuisine.
Deuxième
Potage
A reduction of SHE IS UNSPOKEN’s elite culinary school to powder and ash, its influence forgotten, its students reduced to infamy. Paired with the escape of Giancarlo to Duskvol, and his employment by the Bowmore family.
Troisième
Poisson
A deboned fillet of François’ soul, fried and prepared by means of an arcane meat grinder. Served to guests via the acolytes of François’ vision, who serve as sous-chefs, waitstaff, and other necessary components to the restaurant experience. On the side, Giancarlo’s services are given to the Nameless via Lady Pendryn’s influence.
Quatrième
Entrée
An offering by the Seventh Tower Commission, in the form of a sponsored and bespoke restaurant experience within Deckherd Hall to fund François’ continued work and vision. The restaurant is Alduaria, named for François’ forgotten hometown. To compliment this, Giancarlo hears tell of François’ arrival in Duskvol and enlists the Nameless to see him destroyed and humiliated.
Cinquième
Sorbet
To cleanse the palette, the Nameless arrange for V-Sea-W to occupy the majority of the restaurant to grant the wish of the dying child Jimothy. We can assure guests that this course is cruelty-free, as Jimothy does not exist. Under cover of this disruption, the Nameless infiltrate the restaurant through their knowledge of the walls of Deckherd Hall. Guests are encouraged to note the inclusion of inspector Nat Marseilles, who is investigating the false child Jimothy.
Sixième
Salades
A medley of revelations. Bea, François’ sous-chef, bodyguard, and apprentice, is lured away by a challenge the machinations of Sizzle and Cruncho. Sandro and assorted technical-truth witticisms strikes up something approaching friendship with Nat. François lays his vision bare to the infiltrating Linmer, who poses as a hagfish supplier.
Septième
Fromage
The chef notes the rich texture of Linmer’s alchemical formulae, as they gum up and render unusable his meat grinder. This is paired with thin parchment, stolen by Flan and bearing the financial records and correspondance between the Seventh Tower Consortium and François. The alarm is sounded. Cruncho is stabbed through the chest by Bea’s enormous claymore. In an ingredient callback to the salad course, Nat leaves.
Huitième
Just Desserts
François’ sense of taste is irrevocably compromised by burning via alchemicals. Bea is slain by Linmer and Flan via hagfish-slimed pratfall, with complimentary sword skewer. The militant kitchen staff are decimated by a crippled Cruncho and Sizzle via smokebomb, sniping, smashing, and complimentary explosive morsels. Giancarlo uses his mastery of the culinary arts to heal the crew.
Neuvième
Mignardise
Bea . . . I feel ye . . . Still taste ye, still taste ye inna ghost field
‘M brokkin now. Youseless. Lookitme. Can’t do it. Can’t do it now.
But ye can. Ye still can.
Body’s useless t’me. Meat prizzin. But ye . . . Ye take it. Bea . . . Bea, be a vampyre. Youse me husk. Keep th’ work.
That’s it. That’s the way, chef.
Jus’ . . . Jus’ the work, Bea. Jus’ the work. Not ‘em. Not ‘em Nameless. Revenge is youseless, Bea.
Wait. Bea. No. No.
Dinntye hear me? Revenge is youseless! REVENGE IS YOU-
Revenge IS me. Yes, chef. Thank you chef.
Thank you chef.