The Quiznos Sandwichman
BEHOLD, THE PROPHECY OF THE QUIZNOS SANDWICHMAN HAS BEEN FULFILLED!!!!
It began at dawn, when the Trai’Nüfüd (a gestalt being of thousands of bodies) snaked its way through the city towards Pendryn Manor, bringing a palanquin full of delicious ingredients with it. The procession was silently observed by Render’s forces (who would not interfere with any of the goings-on).
The Trai’Nüfüd was accompanied by Francesco-Rocco Valentini, the born son of Giancarlo Valentini (chef to the Nameless). As the prophecy of the Quiznos Sandwichman states, a scion of the house of Valentini would create the perfect bowl of spaghetti in Pendryn Manor, and thus begin a Pizza-had (Teditor’s note: it’s a pun on Pizza Hut and jihad, and it only half works, shut up) that would sweep Akaros and change the face of food forever. Francesco-Rocco believed that this prophecy could only mean him!
The Quiznos Sandwichman WAS INDEED REVEALED THIS DAY . . . But it was NOT Francesco-Rocco.
You see, at that same dawn, Sizzle was asked tearfully by Giancarlo to steal a wheel of Parmesan cheese from the Trai’Nüfüd. After many evasions, Giancarlo ultimately confessed that this heist was a pretext to attempt to crown Sizzle as the Grill’san Al-Grubeats (aka the Quiznos Sandwichman), for fear of what Francesco-Rocco might do with the power gained. The group resolved to attempt to steal the wheel of cheese and then just . . . See where the day took them.
Cruncho provided an initial distraction by (while disguised) showing the Doktor]’s golden mask to some nearby Crows. Enraged at this, the Crows began a long pursuit across the rooftops and (ultimately) into the Trai’Nüfüd itself! As a side note, Cruncho here discovered that the Trai’Nüfüd could kill Crows, and that (seemingly bound by some ancient compact) the rest of Render’s forces would not interfere.
Meanwhile, Sizzle and Arkin crept into Pendryn Manor via the sewer entrance they’d used to make the fake sex dungeon previously. Upon entering the fake sex dungeon, Sizzle found the Blighter-Viktoria gestalt, who cheerfully informed the bounty hunter that she would be attempting to subvert the prophecy of the Quiznos Sandwichman by creating an alchemically-perfect plate of spaghetti, and thereby securing the title for herself! Sizzle offered her services as sous-chef as a means of getting into the kitchen, and THAT’S where things got wild.
As the duo entered the kitchen, Blighter/Viktoria addressed her challenge to Francesco-Rocco. As the two would-be chosen ones began to posture, Sizzle proclaimed this a cook-off for the title of Quiznos Sandwichman and made a wild splayed-arm gesture in the crowded kitchen. Her splayed arms knocked over several plates, pots, toureens, and carts full of ingredients, which combined with Rube-Goldbergian precision and BY SHEER CHANCE created the perfect spaghetti.
Blighter peaced out immediately. Francesco-Rocco advanced furiously. The Quiznos Sandwichman was revealed . . . as Sizzle!
And THAT’S when Cruncho led the Crows into Pendryn manor, causing immediate havoc.
Fortunately, there were relatively few casualties! As Sizzle fought Francesco-Rocco to a standstill, Cruncho managed to divert the Crows into the Pendryn’s walk-in freezer and shut the door behind them. One controlled detonation later, and the freezer was forcibly ejected out of the manor.
For her own part, Sizzle walked out into the Trai’NuFüd and began to direct it! She rode the mighty being to the old location of V-Sea-W! The Trai’NuFüd began its work, turning the former guerrilla stadium into an enormous edifice, a Hut of Pizza Chuck E. Cheese, a TEMPLE TO A NEW WAY OF EATING THAT WOULD CHANGE AKAROS FOREVER . . .
But then, Sizzle saw Giancarlo, disappointment in his eyes, accompanied by her father, who (as a former host of the Spirit of Capitalism) looked upon this new restaurant, that might become a CHAIN of restaurants, a chain from which PROFIT AND INVESTMENT MIGHT FLOW TO HIM-
And seeing this, Sizzle broke the chain and dismissed the Trai’NuFüd, which fractured into thousands of foodies who really just wanted to try some Duskwall local cuisine. Francesco-Rocco departed in peace, reconciled with Sizzle but not Giancarlo, and contemplating the idea of a garden of culinary delights, a place that would be family to all that dined there . . . But that’s a story for another time.