Patriotic Hanky-Panky
Arthur Pendryn has contacted the Nameless, discreetly. Apparently a task force from the Bluecoats has sliced through a ton of legal red tape to search his house, on some suspicion of heresy and treason. As the Nameless know that Pendryn routinely hosts heresy and, arguably, treason, this could have a baaaad knock-on effect for the crew. Pendryn is willing to pay 10 coin for a rush job.
Session Recap
The Cult of Vazara’s basement temple was controlled-detonated and disguised as a patriotic BDSM dungeon by Arkin and Cruncho (despite Veldren’s attempts at stopping the gang with drugging and hallucinogens).
Nat Marseilles and her Spirit Warden/SWAT team task force was delayed in finding the dungeon due to Caleb Hollow (poorly) pickpocketing orphans (moderately successfully) and Dr. Ykaterina Volkova, respected academic and weapons nerd (quite successfully indeed). A kitchen grease fire also helped!
ELSEWHERE
Sandro and Sizzle plotted to frame Morgan Clelland (your ex-contact and current cop) and the Clelland family as the REAL treasonous Vazara-worshippers. Disguised in Clelland raiment and bearing “mom’s spaghetti” (secretly haunted brain soup), the two found Morgan Clelland passed out at his desk, being menaced by a burned, scarred, but still living Chuck Morgenstern!
Chuck was, weirdly, pretty cool with the two Nameless setting up Clelland for death and ignominy! I mean, sure, he’s a dirty cop, and SURE, Sizzle agreed to assassinate Chuck’s family after the three bonded over their dysfunctional families, but . . . Still weird.
REGARDLESS, the two managed to brilliantly combo Sizzle’s special ammo and the ghost soup to create a vampire! This vampire was set up with various Vazaran accoutrements, Inception’d into an unsuccessful arcane attempt against Nat Marseilles, and subsequently framed by Sandro’s innocent-sounding “statement”. Forget the Pendryns (who were able to keep up the deception thanks to some speech coaching by the Nameless and an IRL Imperial kinky bedroom life), the CLELLANDS are the real traitors!
And so, of course, Render flayed and crucified Lord Clelland the next day.
It’ll take some time, but they’ll soon figure out that Clelland didn’t know anything real. After that, the hunt will begin anew, and Render will search out more substantial traitors.
Other quick hits:
-The Nameless nearly lost face with the Six Towers citizenry over their misuse of the orphans, but have brought it back around by investing in orphan rapscallion education.
-The servant informant that ratted on the Pendryns turned out to be a sous-chef and former disciple of François! Before being boiled alive in soup, he proclaimed that he was attempting to stop the prophecy of the Quiznos Sandwichman! The Quiznos Sandwichman, who will emerge in the Pendryn home and change the culinary landscape as we know it! Even the vampire-in-Clelland version of this sous-chef was obsessed with the idea of the Quiznos Sandwichman (aka the GrillSan al’ GrubEat), and only agreed to take on the arcane implements of Vazara upon being led to believe that Nat Marseilles was an ally of the Quiznos Sandwichman.
-Though we now know that the Pendryns have a healthy sex life, we don’t know if they are in looooove.
On the Subject of Chuck
Chuck picked at the burns along the side of his body with methodical precision, shedding cauterized skin and unpleasant humours as he went. The process had been a nervous tic when they’d first dug themselves out of the Palisades, but as time had gone on, the habit had taken on an air of solemnity.
“So, how’d ya like yer first taste of vigilante justice?”
“Ehhh . . .” he hummed, squinting across the square to the growing number of crosses that the Black Knights were erecting, “I mean, this seems a little too much, ya know?”
“C’maaaahn, Charlie! We’re partners! If we ain’t got honesty, what do we got?”
“Okay fine! Fine! I don’t know if I like it! Getting that Morgan kid was real useful and all, but his dad was fun! Like, he was just out there goin’ nuts on people, poopin’ his pants and sayin’ crazy shit! That was great! So why’d he have ta die, huh?”
“Well, I mean, Charlie, I can do that too! So could you, if you wanted to! Nobody’s stoppin’ either of us from shittin’ our pants, goin’ nuts, and talking all crazy!”
“Yeah but that’s not the point, Frank! Neither one of us could do it like Clelland could! ‘slike if we killed Veldren just cuz we can take drugs and see a frog and Jesus too! We can’t do it like HE does it!”
Elia Wickhamm Frank Reynolds paused for a moment, briefly stumped. This instance had only existed for a month, but it had all the memories that the core Elia Wickhamm had possessed at the time of his instantiation, and this was the first convincing argument he’d ever heard for preserving a human life.
”. . . Well how do we know if we don’t try?” he ultimately rejoined, aware of the weakness of his rebuttal.
Chuck didn’t respond to this immediately. In his heart of hearts (which Elia Wickhamm Frank was starting to be able to discern), he felt that self-defecation and lunacy at Clelland’s level required a combination of natural aptitude and a lifetime of experience that neither of them truly possessed.
“Ehhhh don’t worry about it. Let’s talk cerebro-spinal fluid. You get what you need when I snooted it?”
“Oh you bet! Lotsa good stuff in there. Didja know that the evidence locker at the Docks has the biggest collection of ceramic figurines in all o’ Duskwall? You could eat for a month on that stuff! Then there’s-“
“The NAMELESS, Frank! Stuff about the Nameless!”
“Oh! Well, uh . . .” stammered Elia Frank, twisting their strange gremlinoid body in parody of self-consciousness, “I, uh, haven’t gotten ta that part yet. Where they bought him out, I mean.”
“God DAMN it Frank, why the hell not? Did I snoot that goop for nothin’?”
“Nononono, you snooted it real good Charlie, it’s just . . . Well, Clelland did a lotta fun stuff in his off time, and I ain’t never heard of some of it, and I wanted to take a little looky-loo, ya know?”
Chuck made to yell at Elia Frank, but paused. A thoughtful expression stole across his face as he picked further at his arm.
”. . . What kinda stuff?” he asked, eventually. He didn’t seem to notice the traces of membranous black fluid that was goopily gathering within the recesses of his ruined skin.
Elia Frank did, though. He was extremely excited at the prospect, in fact. A fully mature Crow was generally beyond his ability to possess, but a maturing Crow . . . yes, that appeared be a different matter entirely!
“Oh, it’s crazy! Ya ever heard of potato-shrimping? I’ll get the memory for ya, it’s reaaaaal weird . . .”
Twenty Questions with Render
This is an edited transcript of the minutes that robbed Lord Clelland of his skin and began the end of his life. We will not dwell on his arch denials, his sputtered indignation, his pleas for clemency, his agonized shrieks, nor the gurgling groans that he made when he escaped into insensate oblivion.
We will also eschew description of Irag’s instructions to his Crow assistants, as so accomplished a master deserves to keep the secrets of his trade (even from an omniscient narrator).
Thus, we are left only with the questions Render posed to the late Lord Clelland.
Who initiated you into the worship of Vazara?
Who else worships Vazara with you?
Does your family possess Bartan lineage?
Have you made contact with other gods?
Have you had any dealings with the Seventh Tower Consortium?
Have you had any dealings with ‘the Spider’?
Have you had any dealings with the Nameless?
What do you know of demons? Do you know how to kill a demon on land?
What do you know of Breaker? What do you know of Setarra? What do you know of Minika Arya?
Do you know rage at the loss of the moon? Do you see shifting beasts beyond your window?
Does the presence of ghosts enrage you? Do you know the secret of consecrating your dead?
Does the name Zora mean anything to you?
Do you plan to kill the Immortal Emperor?
Do you know the secret of killing the Immortal Emperor?
And then, quietly, when nailing Lord Clelland to his crucifix.
“If . . . WHEN I kill the Immortal Emperor, will the gods grant me forgiveness?”