Act IX: The New Regime

In which the Nameless navigate a political landscape utterly changed by Render’s takeover.

The Quiznos Sandwichman

BEHOLD, THE PROPHECY OF THE QUIZNOS SANDWICHMAN HAS BEEN FULFILLED!!!!

It began at dawn, when the Trai’Nüfüd (a gestalt being of thousands of bodies) snaked its way through the city towards Pendryn Manor, bringing a palanquin full of delicious ingredients with it. The procession was silently observed by Render’s forces (who would not interfere with any of the goings-on).

The Trai’Nüfüd was accompanied by Francesco-Rocco Valentini, the born son of Giancarlo Valentini (chef to the Nameless). As the prophecy of the Quiznos Sandwichman states, a scion of the house of Valentini would create the perfect bowl of spaghetti in Pendryn Manor, and thus begin a Pizza-had (Teditor’s note: it’s a pun on Pizza Hut and jihad, and it only half works, shut up) that would sweep Akaros and change the face of food forever. Francesco-Rocco believed that this prophecy could only mean him!

The Quiznos Sandwichman WAS INDEED REVEALED THIS DAY . . . But it was NOT Francesco-Rocco.

You see, at that same dawn, Sizzle was asked tearfully by Giancarlo to steal a wheel of Parmesan cheese from the Trai’Nüfüd. After many evasions, Giancarlo ultimately confessed that this heist was a pretext to attempt to crown Sizzle as the Grill’san Al-Grubeats (aka the Quiznos Sandwichman), for fear of what Francesco-Rocco might do with the power gained. The group resolved to attempt to steal the wheel of cheese and then just . . . See where the day took them.

Cruncho provided an initial distraction by (while disguised) showing the Doktor]’s golden mask to some nearby Crows. Enraged at this, the Crows began a long pursuit across the rooftops and (ultimately) into the Trai’Nüfüd itself! As a side note, Cruncho here discovered that the Trai’Nüfüd could kill Crows, and that (seemingly bound by some ancient compact) the rest of Render’s forces would not interfere.

Meanwhile, Sizzle and Arkin crept into Pendryn Manor via the sewer entrance they’d used to make the fake sex dungeon previously. Upon entering the fake sex dungeon, Sizzle found the Blighter-Viktoria gestalt, who cheerfully informed the bounty hunter that she would be attempting to subvert the prophecy of the Quiznos Sandwichman by creating an alchemically-perfect plate of spaghetti, and thereby securing the title for herself! Sizzle offered her services as sous-chef as a means of getting into the kitchen, and THAT’S where things got wild.

As the duo entered the kitchen, Blighter/Viktoria addressed her challenge to Francesco-Rocco. As the two would-be chosen ones began to posture, Sizzle proclaimed this a cook-off for the title of Quiznos Sandwichman and made a wild splayed-arm gesture in the crowded kitchen. Her splayed arms knocked over several plates, pots, toureens, and carts full of ingredients, which combined with Rube-Goldbergian precision and BY SHEER CHANCE created the perfect spaghetti.

Blighter peaced out immediately. Francesco-Rocco advanced furiously. The Quiznos Sandwichman was revealed . . . as Sizzle!

And THAT’S when Cruncho led the Crows into Pendryn manor, causing immediate havoc.

Fortunately, there were relatively few casualties! As Sizzle fought Francesco-Rocco to a standstill, Cruncho managed to divert the Crows into the Pendryn’s walk-in freezer and shut the door behind them. One controlled detonation later, and the freezer was forcibly ejected out of the manor.

For her own part, Sizzle walked out into the Trai’NuFüd and began to direct it! She rode the mighty being to the old location of V-Sea-W! The Trai’NuFüd began its work, turning the former guerrilla stadium into an enormous edifice, a Hut of Pizza Chuck E. Cheese, a TEMPLE TO A NEW WAY OF EATING THAT WOULD CHANGE AKAROS FOREVER . . .

But then, Sizzle saw Giancarlo, disappointment in his eyes, accompanied by her father, who (as a former host of the Spirit of Capitalism) looked upon this new restaurant, that might become a CHAIN of restaurants, a chain from which PROFIT AND INVESTMENT MIGHT FLOW TO HIM-

And seeing this, Sizzle broke the chain and dismissed the Trai’NuFüd, which fractured into thousands of foodies who really just wanted to try some Duskwall local cuisine. Francesco-Rocco departed in peace, reconciled with Sizzle but not Giancarlo, and contemplating the idea of a garden of culinary delights, a place that would be family to all that dined there . . . But that’s a story for another time.

Read more »

Bucket Bandits

Thanks to some wild maneuvering, a group of Grinders and Ulf Ironborn followers willingly martyred themselves to save the other Skovlan factions in the city. Render’s gaze has turned to Joseph Woodward’s former possessor (“the Spirit of Capitalism”) as the architect of Breaker’s demise and ultimate presence that he must eradicate.

This focus is going to spill over into factions of the powerfully arcane (I.E. the Circle of Flame, the Gondoliers, the Reconciled, etc) who might be harboring said spirit now.

Ha! Little do they know that the Nameless have securely hidden the Spirit of Capitalism papers away where NOBODY WOULD FIND IT!

Right, about that . . .

So, to really sell that the Skovlan martyrs were the real deal, the Nameless gave them the papers that housed the Spirit of Capitalism. The martyrs were told to guard it with their lives and NOT TOUCH IT.

However, when the dust cleared and the martyrs were dead, nobody could account for where those papers had ended up. The Spirit of Capitalism is out there again . . .

Read more »

Arkin & Katya Ride Again

At the Pendryn’s request, Arkin and Katya managed to get six of the seven Pendryn children aboard Linmer’s ship and out of Duskwall!

Why did the Pendryns want that?

It seems that the Circle of Flame and the richer elements of the Church of Vazara are planning a big, possibly suicidal move against Render. The Pendryns don’t want their kids within crucifying range if shit should fail.

Ah, sure. So, why did one Pendryn child stay behind?

Valerie Pendryn is now one of Katya’s playbook features and it would be lame to remove her like that. But don’t fear! We handled all of the younger Pendryn children, such as:

-Ogden (he/him, late 20s), an idealistic Junior Minister of Preservation
-Rutherford (he/him, mid-20s), a lazy philandering sub-intendant at one of the ironclad shipwrights.
-Quince (he/him, early 20s), a nerd-ass foreign policy scholar at Charterhall University.
-Jeremy (Shm/eek, 17), you know him, you love/tolerate him.
-Luanne (she/her, 13), precocious and socially-alienated nerd.
-Hezekiah (he/him, 11), a pugnacious problem child.

All of them have been successfully spirited off to the Volkov/a ancestral lands in Severos, under cover of the Shmeek’s storyline departure to Iruvia to study New Fighting Arts.

Wow! Sounds like this went very smoothly!

HAHAHAHAHA. No. During the course of this, Valerie got her chest ventilated by crossbow bolts and Rutherford was paralyzed from the waist down. These things were done by Dr. Anastrasya Fedotova (Katya’s mentor) and Casta, with remote assistance from the Clockmaker.

. . . Whyyyy would they be getting involved here?

  1. Dr. Fedotova is pruning Katya’s connections (at Katya’s written request).
  2. The Clockmaker wants a new experimental subject/has a working relationship with Fedotova.
  3. Casta is following Fedotova’s orders because why just escape a toxic situation when you could leap back into another?

Read more »

The Web

Sizzle and Cruncho went looking for the Spirit of Capitalism and, in finding it, have put the Nameless at war with its Private Military Corporation (PMC)!

Damn, if I had a nickel for every time Sizzle and Cruncho’s duo-maneuvering at the edges of large-scale supernatural powers occurred prior to a gang war with the Spirit of Capitalism, I’d have two nickels, which-

Yes, thank you, we know the quote.

So as a recap-within-a-recap, the Spirit of Capitalism was contained in a series of arcane papers and documents, seemingly created by the Immortal Emperor and imbued into selected individuals (including Sizzle’s dad, Joseph Woodward). Thus empowered, Woodward created the Seventh Tower Consortium, expanded his business, and ultimately got owned by the Nameless. The arcane papers were captured by Sandro, and the Nameless held onto them for a bit before using them as a diversion/scapegoat for Breaker’s death. That diversion/framing has gotten a little TOO real, because now Render’s forces are primed to go thermonuclear at the slightest hint of their reemergence. When the Nameless tried to employ those papers a few sessions ago, a bunch of people got slaughtered and the papers vanished.

Damn, that IS a recap-within-a-recap!

Eh, it’s been 2 months. ANYway . . .

As Sizzle and Cruncho began their investigations as to where the papers had gone, they learned a few things from a few people:

  1. The papers had been guarded by several of the Grinders (a paramilitary group of Skovlan nationalists), of whom four were unaccounted: Jack R (psychopath), Plaz (local neighborhood small-scale politician), Enfant (orphaned tween daughter of two original Grinders), and Ray (ex-mercenary with a mysterious past).

  2. Based on studying and talking to the current impaired version of Joseph Woodward, the arcane papers can only gain purchase on their host if the host already has something in them that would make them susceptible to the lure of capitalism. The papers then rip out any part of your soul that permits empathy/makes you capable of remembering that people are anything other than statistics.

  3. By talking to the ghost of Jack R, Cruncho learned that someone of indeterminate gender had grabbed the papers during Render’s assault. This person had escaped via arcane means, but not before using Jack’s body to create a vampire with Plaz’s soul.

  4. After a little bit of tracking and some arcane chicanery, the duo realized that this Plaz-vampire is somewhere in the Lost District. Coincidentally, the bodies of the first and second command of the Silver Nails had just recently washed up in a Six Towers canal, with their souls having been violently removed. Also coincidentally, the Silver Nails are a hardened group of Severosi mercenaries that primarily operate within the Lost District. These coincidences . . . Might not be coincidences.

  5. A quick conference with a recovered Sam the Black Knight reveals that Render’s forces are INTENSELY interested in and worried about the arcane papers. They are, apparently, adaptive, deeply dangerous, and their “motivations” are mysterious to even Render. And, yknow, they’re definitely responsible for killing Breaker.

Dang! So, how’d that scouting mission go?

The duo did everything right: hired some Deathlands Scavengers, approached from a distance, kept their heads down . . .

And then a sniper started exploding heads all over the place.

As the Deathlands Scavengers fled or died, Cruncho managed to shield Sizzle long enough to sight up and fire on the sniper, who turned out to be partially-possessed by the Spirit of Capitalism. By dint of some incredible shots, impeccable stealth, and careful body manipulation, our heroes managed to get in close and learn the following:

The Spirit of Capitalism has learned to split its essence, thereby creating multiple avatars for itself. Using Ray (a one-eyed mercenary with a distinctive gravelly voice) and Enfant (a seemingly-mute sniper with a traumatic past), it is creating an army of vampires by combining the bodies of the Silver Nails (all slain) with a smorgasbord of militant ghosts around the deathlands (including privateers, Bluecoats, and some of the ancient Legionaries that keep popping up). It is also mining the ghosts of the dead leaders of the Silver Nails for international arms contacts. This interrogation is being headed up by the Soul of Plaz in the body of Jack R., aka Plasma Jack.

Having ascertained all of this, our heroes readied to depart (they’d hired a SECOND team of Deathlands Scavengers and set them up with the Fog Hounds as an emergency exfiltration). However, they had some personal business to take care of first:

  1. Destroying the ghost jars, preventing Plasma Jack from learning about all of the weapons salesmen known to the Silver Nails.

  2. Sizzle fired some of her specialized ammo into Enfant, permitting her to rescue the tween in the hopes of rehabilitating her from the Spirit of Capitalism’s harmful effects.

  3. Cruncho, having already gotten some psychic backwash of what the Spirit of Capitalism was offering, engaged Ray in a battle of close quarters combat. Though relatively evenly matched, Cruncho was able to elicit the Spirit’s pitch: to break the current world order and create a nation of mercenary-citizens, creating profit from the one commodity that would never lose value: violence.

In the process, Cruncho also managed to see that the spirit was in the process of creating its own eidolon (an amalgamation of spirits, like Scurlock or Splighterlock). To what purpose? Who can say!

Cruncho and Sizzle also learned that this group was calling themselves the “Dogs of War”, because subtlety is for assholes.

And as our heroes escaped the scene with this new knowledge and an unconscious Enfant over their shoulder, they know that the Dogs of War will (figuratively and literally) soon be on their tails . . .

Read more »